Because - I Must

I find myself wondering when is the right time? To return? To begin again? To find my way back to the light?

I'm not ready to leave this...and I am. I can't say good-bye...and I already have. I don't want to move forward...and I know that I must.

One breath. One step. One day...and then another. I've been here before. I know what it is...and how it's going to be. I have a long road to travel before I find comfort and ease in this new 'normal'.

There's no going back. There's no returning home. There's only this - where I am...where we three stand brave and strong and tall and true and all together today.

She loved the mountains...and the gentle soft faces of the beautiful cows.

She loved to wake up to my images and my words. They connected her - she said. To herself. And - to me. How is it possible that she'll never be reading again? I don't understand. And - so sadly - I do.

Life has a strange way of laughing.

Because - art saves and writing heals and my art and my life have become one and the same. And because - the time is now and now is this only time. And because - I must. And because - she would want me to continue moving forward...and continue moving on.

I'm showing up. I'm taking one long slow deep breath and then another. I'm taking it in baby steps...and one day at a time. With tears in my eyes and a heart heavy - I'm carrying on.

I'm not ready.

And - I am.