So much is clouded by the sad. It's as if the weight of that emotion is heavier than the lightness of anything other.

Before there was that...there was happy. I want to remember that too.

I want to remember a day whose skies were picture postcard blue...whose green grass was dotted in dandelion yellow.

I want to remember a beautiful bride and a groom - so handsome. I want to remember the surprise on his face when he first saw her. I want to remember my baby girl - all grown up - beaming bright and shining. I want to remember them - together - laughing and smiling.

I want to remember the walk down the long path - my daughter flanked on either side by her mother and her father. I want to remember us all standing - one new family- beneath the chuppah together. I want to remember the feel of the warm late afternoon sun. I want to remember the puffy white clouds floating. I want to remember the horses grazing silently in the distant pasture.

I don't want to forget. I so want to remember.

I want to remember a beautiful evening. I want to remember how we roasted and toasted life and union - two young people joined together. I want to remember how we ate and drank and laughed and danced. I want to remember my mother's smile. I want to remember her happy.

I want to remember joy. I want to remember that life is precious and good..and every moment worthy.

I want to remember that extraordinarily special day......

I need to hold on to that...to remember how it felt to feel that full...that happy.